Busy busy busy

Blog sapa bersawang ni? Huhuhu

Yesterday I came across a blog that tore my heart and rip it to shreads. Nevermind that I just unsuccessfully resuscitated a man and it put a downer to the whole call(yes, I was oncall..again), so my night was not great.

I slept on the outpatient's clinic couch (yep, the couch doctors examine people on-I can sleep anywhere when I'm tired) and woke up at 3am after a horrible dream. I don't remember what the dream was about, but the feeling I woke with was dreadful. To put it in words..my hear dropped. I remember family, and I thought, I want my Mia-chan to read my blog one day. I want her to know her mother besides going off to work and being oncall. Say if I die before she can understand the way the world works, I want her to know me apart from working in a hospital and have something to remember me by.
Haihh..sedih.

So Mia-chan, mummy wants you to know mummy loves you..VERY MUCH. I wish my every seconds and minutes were spent with you, but..cannot la.
There were too many times where I put work ahead of you, when the clock strikes 5 and mummy still not home. Today, mummy got home and you didn't jump up and down as always. You ran into the room and bury your head as protest because mummy didn't come home to you in nearly 3 days. Anak mummy dah besar..

I can't promise that it wont happen again because it will. I will dissapoint you again and again.. but please know that I did it with a heavy heart, and the night I'm oncall I will go through your pictures over and over before I sleep.

I'm sure a lot of parents go through this..being separated from their little ones by the name of work. I hope there will come a day where I don't have to choose one or the other..and I hope it won't come too late.