New Zealand

Aiyoo..

this heart needs to be sent to a workshop..prompt!

have u reach a point where u lose the will to do anything?

in medicine we call it DEPRESSION..

patients often will describe it in these words..

..'Doctor, i just don't see a point in living anymore'..

..'sometimes i just want to sleep and never wake up'..

..'there's no light at the end of the tunnel'..

and you would know things are BAD when they avoid eye contacts and trying to hide the wound on their wrist from self-mutilating oneself

(at which point, you should call the Psychiatrist to assess them PRONTO!)

but life is indeed a WHEEL

you could be the doctor at one time.. and what do you know, you might be the one to swallow Paracetamol tablets like Smarties the next day? (God forbid la!)

i don't feel great today..well actually i haven't been feeling good for quite a while

tried looking for exciting, fun, creative ways to perk myself up(bags, vacation, eating out)..of course they haven't been working, because i'm feeling worse worse than before

i wish for drops of rain to cure this drought, but there's no quick fix..this will be long and painful

and there's no other way through it-blood, sweat and tears as they say

but i was thinking..maybe what i need right now is a nice, quiet (and very long) break!

i don't think i NEED to do medicine..in the beginning it started as a 'why don't u try and see how u fit in?'..passed a few exams and then just get on from that

but God knows my path in medicine is not easy..at one point, i just went=just gimme a break, will ya??

.. still, i went on and finished it

4 years on after graduation day, i still have DOUBTS about it.. maybe this is not what i wanted to be my next 40 years

i see my seniors above me, and yet i don't aspire to become them-living with  a stethoscope around your neck is a burden

and that glorious day where u can shout and yell at your underlings only happens to a few

..the rest of u will continue to be yelled at

suddenly that future that i so look forward to is not that bright anymore

in another word, i don't want to do medicine anymore!

maybe what i want really is to stay at home and produce more mia-chans (well, that might not be the best solution either)

..gimme a year of holiday-ing and travelling in New Zealand and i might change my mind..