Paradise

I had a rough time at work today.

Horrible.

I really don't want to talk about it.

So I came home, and found that things are not much better here.

I messed up.

I'm being horrible in every-thing. I've had days like this before, countless time. But I thought I've gotten better in managing time.

I was wrong.

I have been neglecting my family and..my self. Imagine going to the shop to buy Kotex (it's that time of the month go figure), and finally came out with nothing but a bottle of coke! My mind is elsewhere I'm telling you. I don't know where it's gone to most of the time, but it certainly is not here.

Now I'm watching my baby sleeps, and for the first time today I am actually focusing on her. There are so many things I wanted to do for her, but haven't got round to..or had simply forgotten. Just because I'm always pre-occupied with something more important.

I haven't talked to my mother in 2 weeks (or more). She's just a phone call away, and yet I didn't even get to dial her number.

What in the world could be more important than your family??

I wanted to serve people, but I'm wondering whether by doing so I am actually being selfish. Selfish enough to put my first priority to second place.

I've actually fallen asleep in the middle writing this post. I was lucky enough to not have dropped the laptop on the floor. Yes I am that tired.

Last night I was bedridden with migraine attack (I rarely get them!), and was saved by Ponstan..off to work I go in the early hours of this morning. I'd fallen asleep the night before without saying good night to my babies, I din't get a chance to see whether kakak had done her homework (actually I can't remember the last time I got the chance to do this) and this morning while changing adik, I noted she had developed a really bad nappy rash because I didn't change her nappy overnight.

Facepalm.

Today I learnt that my sister had a migraine attack too and she had gotten MC.

MC.

It didn't even cross my mind. Not even once.

My hand phone is on charge. I carry it everywhere..even to the toilet. I have had more body contact with my phone than with my 6 month old. I have been talking to it more than to my kakak, or my husband.

I'm always on standby, even on days that I'm not oncall. Just in case people couldn't get through the one who's oncall, so here's me, always ready to serve.

I don't even like my job. In fact, I hated it.

So why so religiously doing it?

Yesterday the band Yellow performed their hit song Paradise on air. I was singing to it on my way to work.

Work is not my Paradise.

I need a vacation. Preferably somewhere without network coverage.