Low low low

I've hit the usual LOW again. Regardless of how bored and tired of overcoming this situation again and again, it seems there's no other way out of it.

This reminds me of my teenage days, where I used to lock myself in my room, stuffed my ears with earplugs and just shut down from the world for a while. It's becoming hard to do these days with a toddler following you around the house...but I still do it.

I'm always looking for a way out it seems. That's why I love my get-aways and my korean drama. Oppa and hyung took me away from my troubles for a few hours..and whenever I am in that situation where I don't like, my mind travels to these hyungs and oppas with polished clothes and bright faces.
I am convinced that it's due to the autistic trait in me-socially awkward and always dodging and hiding from confrontations and problems.

I swear when I was driving from work this afternoon I was well..I even felt a bit of a superwoman-here I am, both a single mother and a career woman..doing very well and driving my own car. But as soon as I put down that stethoscope and handbag, I am drained. This suddenly felt so tiring, putting up a 'face' all day, and back to managing a household on my own. Haihh..I really need to pull out a man from a hat somewhere. .

And so, here I am writing this in my room, with my little one's voice in the background..but still feeling sorry for myself and as lonely as ever. I am going to take a nap (or sleep), and hopefully when I wake up the world won't be as gloomy as it is now.

My weekend

Jom tengok drama Korea!
Bosan pulak cuti 2 hari ni. Dah lama rasanya x cuti straight 2 hari yang duduk kat rumah jee.

Nasib baik semalam i stumbled upon this new drama.
Sad thing is, the drama is only out until Ep 10 ( and I finished up to 10 episodes yesterday!)

The story is quite refreshing I think, although of course the lead male is still rich and obnoxious and the female still remains the stupidest and most shameless woman you've ever met (hence the attraction to korean dramas).

It starts as the female lead is being chased by a ghost ( I know right? Horror and romance, apparently they work well together)..and somehow ended up in the hero's car. This girl was previously involved in a car accident, and upon waking up from coma, was able to see and talk to ghosts. A once free spirited and popular girl later turned to someone who shies away from life, lost all her friends (not to mention her job) and of course forever running away at the sight of ghosts.

She later found out that the hero is her secret hideout-as the ghosts dissapear as she touches or hugs him. Determined to get back to her normal life, the girl later worked her way to get close to this man.

The rest I have to say is typical korean drama..they argue, the girl cried, the man later falls for her, the second lead came in, the hero tries to hide his real feelings for her and bla3x..

Any way, I'm a sucker for typical korean dramas. Haha. Every girl wants to be saved sometimes. Being brave and Powerpuff Girl is tiring. I want to be stupid and helpless too wei!! I need hugs and a secret hideout from the ghosts and villains of my life..

Maybe after Ep 16 (the final ep), I will make a move to fix my problems, but for now I just want to hide out in this fairytale (with ghosts in it! Haha)

another entry after a very long silence

It's now been more than a year since we are back in Malaysia. Of course, it wouldn't be possible to fit one year of story into one page. This year had been challenging to say the least, and as of now I'm not quite at where I wanted to be yet. it's dangerous to have goals sometimes, because we would start to have expectations and later will put a lot of pressure of oneself.

 Truth is, life is not a book where you know the ending is at page 486 or so, plus you also cannot flip pages and skip the chapters-(I usually do this when the 'not so important characters appear). Life..you have to walk, breath and endure all.

There will be the odd nook and crannys that will slow you down or even stop you in your track...that is to be expected.
Nevertheless, my journey home was harder than I thought it would be. the reason this blog had been left to dust and spiders was I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. I was depressed, I was lost for some part of it and I felt being let down by the system. It is not over, this fight...but I have learn to take things a little easier and not being too hard on myself.

My knight in shining armour during these troubling times would have to be my husband. Yup, I was too shy to admit it, but I think it was shown to everybody how much he support me.

And still, we fight and argue like couples do. I still nag at him at every oppoturnities, will act like I'm right even when I knew I'm wrong and I force him to bring me 'jalan-jalan' to relieve my stress level.
True. The one you love is the one you hurt the most. Huhu..

Last month, we went to CH again after my continous pressure to my dear man..


















We would go to the same places everytime, don't ask me why. Anyway, doesnt matter because we were there just to get away from Bentong.















Above is the purple chili plant. Kinda dangerous I think, you might mistaken it for vegies instead. Wanted to take it home with me, but husband forbid so I comply. Truth is I was so grateful he took me here, I didn't buy as many stuffs as I would have.






















Later that night, we went for stimboat at Rossa Passadena hotel, just near the pasar malam area. It was so-so, but not too expensive. It's saving grace was the sauce..delish!

















Breakfast was at the hotel.It was ok. Quite a selection of food, but Mia is not a morning person, so mummy gained a few extra kilos that day.

















Then it was Bharat's Tea Plantation time again..I had scones which made me miss Ireland even more. nothing tastes like the original right?

















My little one was also happy, imitating a rabbit in the above pictures.

It was a very short get-away. Also had to mention that our hotel was super nice.. Century Pines Resort. We took the Duplex Suite which fit the King, Queen and little Princess taste very well. Too bad we only spend a night in CH, I had the best quality sleep there..wink wink at the king bed!

I can't stress enough on the importance in taking breaks and get-away times with family. Our troubles might not be cured, but the times spent away from it you will cherish. Instead of transferring my stress to my love ones, I took it up to the hills of CH and threw it away there. Hehehe.


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Holiday

A lot of happenings last week!

I was home in Kelantan for the 3rd Hepatology Conference 2013-it went on for nearly three days, but I could not resist taking the whole week off to spend time with family at home.

We stayed the new Holiday Villa in front of Wakaf Che Yeh for 2 nights.
The location was superb..so near to hijab outlets and of course the famous Wakaf Che Yeh. Un fortunately, I didn't get to explore the stalls and shops because it was so hectic! The conference finishes at 5 everyday, and by that time I was so tired ( who would've thought sitting listening to talks can be that tiring) and just jumped onto bed after dinner.

Of course, I ate like a horse! Everything looks so delish, I think I gained about 5 kilos over a week period. We went to KB Mall everyday, and ate Pizza, Chicken Rice Shop, nasi kerabu and nasi bungkus. Plus, the daily offerings of buffet breakfast at Holiday Villa was not bad either, but could do with some variety. Also, did I mention the hotel was next toMcDonalds? So we went there everyday too. Hehe.

The day after the course, we went for a short vacation in Merang Suria, Terengganu. I will blog about it later..

Next, it was the ultimate girls' day out with mum and sisters (and a brother) to Kota Bharu. We spent the whole day shopping and managed to ate lunch twice!

We came back to reality on the day of PRU-13. I will spare you the detail of that event, because so many people are talking about it right now.

To sum it all up, I had fun! It was the best holiday in a while. It was short, but I think I tried to fill it up with as many happy memories that I can.

Back to oncall mode tomorrow peeps!

Feeling rather old

I am ageing.

I can no longer stay-up late to read.

I collapse as I get home after call (everytime!)

I need people to repeat things they say to me (sometimes more than twice)

I feel sorry for myself more than I should these days

I take ages to write these words, my brain is slowly freezing-the cells are less functional and I suspect some of them are probably dead already

and my hormones! Oh God my hormones, they are left, right, above and centre..

I  think 30 is too early for pre-menopausal symptoms..or is it not?

Long distance relationship?

'Keek'ing with husband this morning..
Who would've thought I would still be chatting online at this age?
Huhuhu

Makan banyak

Haiyakk..
makan banyak la budak ni!
I blame the process of ageing-my tired brain and body cells constantly need energy to move this 50kg of 'muscle' around..Hahaha
Furthermore, I'm 30 (in another 3 months)..no use looking all skinny, tall and gorgeous anymore
Hehe..Better stuff up before i hit 40 (yup..when most likely all diseases in the world will be chasing after you-stroke, heart attack, etc)
The clock is ticking my dear. Huhu

New Obsession

The Givenchy Antigona!

Makes you feel young, rich and famous like Olivia Palermo in the above picture.

I might take the same picture with the same pose with dear husband. Hahaha

..if only I have those legs. Haihh..

So beautiful...

Looks like anybody who's a somebody is toting it. Hmm..

It's good for an eye wash, but the price is crazy!

XOXO

Haihh..

I think a picture speaks a thousand words, don't you?

My little princess

All grown up already..

With the 'cannot do without' Angry Bird shoes

Eating like an adult..

Her Barbie and the Popstar moment..

The rare picture where the afro hair is hidden..

Loves you LOTS <3

Busy busy busy

Blog sapa bersawang ni? Huhuhu

Yesterday I came across a blog that tore my heart and rip it to shreads. Nevermind that I just unsuccessfully resuscitated a man and it put a downer to the whole call(yes, I was oncall..again), so my night was not great.

I slept on the outpatient's clinic couch (yep, the couch doctors examine people on-I can sleep anywhere when I'm tired) and woke up at 3am after a horrible dream. I don't remember what the dream was about, but the feeling I woke with was dreadful. To put it in words..my hear dropped. I remember family, and I thought, I want my Mia-chan to read my blog one day. I want her to know her mother besides going off to work and being oncall. Say if I die before she can understand the way the world works, I want her to know me apart from working in a hospital and have something to remember me by.
Haihh..sedih.

So Mia-chan, mummy wants you to know mummy loves you..VERY MUCH. I wish my every seconds and minutes were spent with you, but..cannot la.
There were too many times where I put work ahead of you, when the clock strikes 5 and mummy still not home. Today, mummy got home and you didn't jump up and down as always. You ran into the room and bury your head as protest because mummy didn't come home to you in nearly 3 days. Anak mummy dah besar..

I can't promise that it wont happen again because it will. I will dissapoint you again and again.. but please know that I did it with a heavy heart, and the night I'm oncall I will go through your pictures over and over before I sleep.

I'm sure a lot of parents go through this..being separated from their little ones by the name of work. I hope there will come a day where I don't have to choose one or the other..and I hope it won't come too late.

My first day at work story

So the awaited day had finally arrived and gone..and oh my it was eventful. I supposed I wasn't expecting this much trouble coming back serving my country.
I thought it was just like reporting at any new hospital.

But boy was I wrong. Working in Malaysia is a whole different ballgame altogether.

Everything here is different! There's no clear guideline or rules, you have to fish it out yourself by talking to the RIGHT person! I have been going round in circles while having no clue what I am entitled for. Yup, after being 'sudu'ed for so long, I feel so Stupid.

I literally 'menggigil' talking to the admin staff. I think it was fear of the unknown more than anything else. Then she showed me around a bit and hand me over to a 'senior' doctor who happened to be 2 years my junior.

Everyone was friendly and there's a smile on everyone's lips each time I was introduced. Then he showed me the emergency room, and I thought, Oh I can handle this.

I was WRONG! Again!

Damn why do I have to study abroad? Why does my government send me out to come back knowing ZERO?

Malaysian doctors are like E.R and Grey's Anatomy, even the housemens! So ninja la here!

My mind is still reeling from what I see during my days of tagging mu juniors. So 'malu' when I have no clue what to do when an emergency happened and they just jumped to it like experts!

Right at this moment, it is overwhelming and probably to much to handle. I have to decide whether I can push through it despite the million obstacles ahead or to start over again
😣




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