03.12. 2014

I'm sorry because my 'iman' tak kuat. Sebab tak kuat tu lah I mengamuk kat my beloved Iman. Padahal I wasn't angry at her. I was angry at the person who put me in this position; tired and acting like an idiot giving all I have to please him.

That's right. A lot of us women are idiots. We keep repeating the same foolishness to please. When it's finally too much, we vented on the people we most loved and care about. Stupidity knows no boundaries I guess.

I finally face the truth of being a woman in Malaysia. Bounded by culture and family rules- my mother comes first and yours later..why? Because syurga I di bawah tapak kaki mak I whereas your syurga di bawah tapak kaki I. In other words, he meant my syurga is di bawah tapak kaki him and his mother. Oh Lord.

I am doing the same work load as a typical male does with the energy of a 9-month old pregnant lady. And I worry the same shit as any male does- money, security and the future. Because I work in the medical field, other male at work look at me with sympathy as I struggle to climb the stairs or even walk a distance, whereas others are plain idiots or just pretending to be one. Why bother when I don't complain? So my conclusion is, I did this to myself. I allow people to degrade and use me so that I can fit in. Or maybe, his love for me is not strong enough to at least acknowledge the sacrifices I did for him-my beauty, my money and my pride. I was fooled by his promises to mark and elevate me as his Queen. I was never a Queen, far from that fairy-tale ending my fate lies (and they promote higher education to produce high achieving citizens..well maybe for men, because we will only ended up in the kitchen cleaning soots and dusts looking ugly. God knows, I've heard that saying too many times)

In fact, in the end my fate may not be much different from Mah who went viral on Facebook recently. She was called smelly, fat and disgusting by her own man who was two-timing her for nearly 7 years. Mark this day I will, for if I ever come close to that ending then I at least knew that it's coming for quite a while..and of course I won't blame any man for it, because we can never blame them as we would be sinners duh.. It is always us at fault, the idiots.

Because Sharing Is Caring

Jumpa lagi checklist baby. Just nak share kat sini.

Untuk Ibu

1) Kad Lawatan Hospital/Kad Merah

2) Kad Pengenalan

3) Telefon Bimbit

4) Baju/Blouses -5

5) Stokin - 2

6) Kain Batik -3

7) Baju/Seluar Dalam - 5

8) Skaf Kepala/Ki - 2

9) Peralatan Mandi (Pencuci Muka, Berus Gigi, Ubat Gigi)

10) Majalah/Buku

11) Tuala Mandi

12) Maternity Pad/Pad Biasa - 1 pek

13) Tuala Muka - 1

14) Selipar -1

15) Kamera

16) Air/Minyak Selusuh

17) Minyak Angin

18) Air Zam Zam

19) Makanan/Minuman (Air Masak/Susu/Milo/Horlicks, Buah Kurma, Biskut, Roti)

20) Termos Air Panas

21) Bag Plastik

22) Baju Sejuk (Sweater) -1

23) Sikat -1

24) Breast Pad - 4

25) Nursing Bra - 4

Untuk Bayi

1) Baby Diapers - 6

2) Baju - 3

3) Minyak Telon - 1

4) Baby Wipes/Wet Tissue

5) Tuala Mandi - 1

6) Stokin/Sarung Tangan Bayi - 4

7) Peralatan Mandi

8) Selimut/Bedung - 3

9) Barut - 5

10) Topi - 1

Keperluan Berpantang - Berpantang (Untuk Ibu) 

1) Jamu/Set Lepas Bersalin

2) Stokin

3) Baju Sejuk

4) Tungku

5) Selimut

6) Selipar

7) Buku/Majalah

8) Kain Batik

9) Bengkung/Barut

10) Maternity Pad/Pad Biasa

11) Bantal Lapik Duduk (Memberi Keselesaan Akibat Jahitan Luka)

12) Kerusi Toilet (Perlu Kalau Tandas Cangkung di Rumah)

13) Minyak Angin/Urut

14) Makanan/Minuman (Air Masak, Susu, Buah-buahan Segar, Ribena, Prune, Biskut, Roti)

Baby Gear - Baby Gear

1) Baju- Lengan Pendek - 8

2) Baju- Lengan Panjang - 6

3) Romper - 2

4) Seluar- Pendek - 8

5) Seluar- Panjang - 6

6) Sarung Tangan - 5

7) Sarung kaki - 5

8) Baby Bip - 2

9) Sapu Tangan - 3

10) Barut - 10

11) Topi

Diapering

1) Napkin - 1 pek

2) Lampin Pakai Buang - 2 pek

3) Diaper Wipes - 2 pek

4) Safety Pin

5) Changing Mat

6) Nappy Liner

7) Berus Lampin

8) Baldi Untuk Napkin

9) Beg Untuk Diapers

10) Detergent Khas Untuk Mencuci Pakaian Bayi

Baby Care & Grooming

1) Bedak Bayi

2) Losyen Bayi

3) Minyak Bayi (Baby Oil)

4) Tisu

5) Sikat

6) Putik Kapas (Cotton Bud)

7) Pengepit Kuku (Nail Clipper)

8) Nasal Aspirator (untuk selsema)

9) Methylated Spirit – alcohol 70% - cuci pusat sebelum luruh -(biasa dibekal oleh pihak hospital)

10) Gripe Water / Colic Water (untuk kembung perut bayi)

11) Termometer

12) Vicks

13) Minyak Telon

14) Syringe for Medicine

15) Cotton Balls

Nursering

1) Selimut

2) Bedding set

3) Play Pen / Katil Bayi

4) Mainan untuk Play Pen / Katil

5) Kelambu

6) Bakul Baju Kotor

7) Bakul Baby (Simpan Baby Gear)

8) Bakul Baby (Simpan Baby Care)

Feeding 

1) Botol saiz S - 2

2) Puting Botol Susu - 2

3) Bottle Sterilizer

4) Berus Pembersih Botol

5) Penyepit Botol

6) Sterilising Tablet

7) Nipple Cream

8) Nursing Pad Washable - 2

9) Nursing Pad Disposal - 1 kotak

10) Breast Pump

11) Nursing Pillow

12) Nursing Bra

13) Termos

Travelling

1) Beg Bayi

2) Baby Warmer for Bottle (Tak perlu jika BreastFeed)

3) MILK Casing tingkat2 (Tak perlu jika BreastFeed)

4) Infant Carrier

Bathing

1) Tuala

2) Besen Mandi

3) Syampu

4) Sabun Mandi

5) Span

6) Gayung

Extra 

1) Penyangkut Baju Berklip

2) Permainan Bermuzik

3) Bumbo Seat

4) Baby Gym

5) Stroller / Jogger

6) Penyangkut Kecil (untuk sarung tangan + kaki)

7) Car seat

8) Album

9) Beg Bayi

10) Baby Sling

11) Nursing Cover

12) Nursing Clothes / Wear

List ni copy dari blog http://mypermatahati.com. Memang panjang pon listnya. Tapi pandai-pandai la korang. Use it as a guide, jangan pakai tiru je sebijik-sebijik. Pokai la kalau nak ada semua benda. What's more, mesti ada nyer barang yang lupa nak beli nanti. Tu lah gunanya your partner, mak2 duk kat rumah bertungku je. 

Fikir pasal pantang pon dah seriau. Mula-mula memang seronok, itu ini orang tak bagi buat. Pegang penyapu pon tak boleh. Tapi dah lama-lama tu rasa cabin fever lak. Nak keluar rumah konpem orang tak bagi. Pakai pon macam nenek kebayan. Masa tu lah akan timbul konflik keyakinan diri, tambah-tambah bila laki tak lekat kat rumah. Internet? Baik tak payah..slow mengalahkan kereta api KTM.

Pagi-pagi bangun tengok orang sibuk siap-siap nak pegi kerja. Tak usah cakaplah, memang jealous tengok orang berkerja. Tak percaya? Tunggu je lah nanti. Rasa macam lembu pulak, kerja kita menyusukan anak 24 jam. Tapi bila nak habis maternity leave, bercucuran air mata sebab kena tinggalkan anak. Itulah pengorbanan orang perempuan zaman sekarang. Harap faham.

FROZEN THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY

Yup. It's that time of the year again-your little one's birthday.

Needless to mention that I failed miserably every year- forgetting her birthday date (what kind of mother does that?), last minute preparation- I always managed to get a cake though at the very least and of course the dilemma every doctor-parents have- being oncall on their birthday.

Mia is a good child God bless her. She would be so understanding, and believed the same excuses I gave her every year.

This year though, I am determined to be the SUPERMUMMY! I am going to set up the best birthday celebration ever what's more with it being the last year she's going to be a single child.

So I have been googling and came across a few blogspots of crazy dedicated parents that threw superb birthdays for their little ones. The theme for the party is a no brainer of course:

I even got Mia all hyped-up with the idea. Turns out, this FROZEN themed party is nothing new because a lot of parents around the world had done it.

*Mia likes multiple-tiered cakes..sebab lagi besar kot

And what's a FROZEN themed party without an ELSA dress?

Mummy pulak boleh pakai cenggini:

Hahaha. Poyo.

Goodie bags for the guests:

Food and table decorations:

So far so good. Until yesterday, when I realised that I am ONCALL on her birthday again!

Major dissapointment wei..Best part is she doesn't know it yet. She's crossing her legs while browsing through youtube on my phone. Mummy feels so bad. I was trained in breaking bad news, in fact I do it so often that I consider myself to be quite good at it.

But it comes to breaking news to your child that we won't be having a themed FROZEN birthday party because mummy has work..I can't do it. Not again. Her look of dissapointment would just kill me.

Then I realised, I don't necessarily have to. I mean, she is just 4. She would believe it if I said that her birthday is next year, or we can only celebrate it every 4-yearly because she was born on 29th of February or something like that.

I know, I'm a genius. Haha.

So this year Iman Damia, even though you are born on 5th of November, we're going to celebrate it on the 5th of December (that would gives me a lot of time for preparation). Don't worry, on the actual day mummy will buy you a slice of Secret Recipe cake and pretend like you're having it for being a good girl.

Kamu tak rasa apa yang saya rasa

Sometimes I do feel like uttering these words to mak nenek, pakcik makcik who feels that I'm being ungrateful and should stop blabbering on my Facebook status about certain stuffs.

First of all, my Facebook wall is personal. There are no rules or regulations that says certain words are prohibited. It's my wall so I set up the rules, unless if you're talking against the government or the Sultan, then you get automatic ticket to the ISA and all that sorts. So much for being a democratic country eh?

Secondly, my comments are never direct. I made sure there's a bit of a twist here and there to made sure I never humiliated anyone in public. Or if I am, they wouldn't know that it's them I'm talking about. Like you think you know, but not really..

And also FYI hormones runs high when you're pregnant-the perks of having two heads in one person I guess. I do expect people to give me a bit of a lee way because I'm being childish  not of my own choosing. I was forced to act that way..by my HORMONES!

Lastly, is my last saying on this matter. Kalau rasa hurtful sangat by my saying sampai keluar air mata dan tak boleh tidur bermalam2, please..STOP lah baca! Tak ada orang paksa pon. Like this blog, I think as long as i'm not involved with the ISIS or Al-Qaeda, there is no need to make such a big deal of everything I say. It's just words, and what's more important if you are someone who truely cares about me then you should be worried about the real reason I'm saying all those stuffs. I am not going to be hanged by people who feels that I should act a certain way and follow certain norms. I am not breaking rules dan tak buat dosa, so why should I be ashamed?

Panjangnya last saying pon. Haha..

Makcik pakcik, if you could only see that you're acting like the villains in the typical cerekarama ( eg Sesuci Kasih Darmia-mak long dan mak ngah dia tu, geram betul tengok) and korean dramas...

Jadi, kurangkan kontroversi dan tingkatkan prestasi OK

List Barang Baby Untuk Di sediakan

So who says second-time parents had it easier? Well at least not for me. Hands up for being as clueless and terrified as before.

On the plus side, we are now back on our homeland..so help is easy to look for should you ask. Nevertheless, at 31 I couldn't afford being such a dummy in front of my mum or my little sister who seems to be taking motherhood like its second nature. Which, of course it should be but I guess I have no talent in this. I can read books, but the practical part is always a challenge in everything I do. (Explains why I hate Kemahiran Hidup in second grade). NERD..

So I have been doing some research a.k.a googling, which leads to the list below:

THINGS TO BUY BEFORE THE BABY IS OUT:

1. CLOTHING
    -baju lengan pendek (pakai pagi)
    -baju lengan panjang (pakai malam)
    -seluar
    -sarung tangan dan kaki
    -topi
    -sweater
    -sleeping suit
    -napkin
    -selimut

(Orang kata beli yang 0-3 months, tak besar dan tak kecik sangat)

    -pernah jugak survey kay Mothercare and Anakku. Tapi sayangku, mummy needs to berjimat sedikit dengan adanya GST tahun depan. So, we are going with more affordable, not so popular brand like Puppy Winks dan seumpama dengannya.

2. NAPPIES
    - diapers-think I'm going to stick to Mamy Poko. They said you shouldn't 'membeza-bezakan' your children. Heh.
    -wet tissue
    -changing mat

3. BABY CARE AND GROOMING
   -minyak sakit perut, cotton bud, sikat etc- no need to buy so early this one, unless there's a good sale somewhere

4.  BATHING
   -besen mandi, sabun, syampoo
   -tuala mandi

5. NURSEY/BEDDING
  -tilam tempat baby golek2, baby cot etc-this one definitely needs your granny's help. Baby cot pon dah ada, recycle from your sister

6. FEEDING
 -botol susu- sebelum balik dari Ireland, daddy ada beli botol set susu Avent masa sale, kononnya nak bagi hadiah kat baby kawan dia tapi tak ingat nak bagi. So now it's yours.
 -baby apron
 -sabun dan berus cuci botol susu baby
-nursing bra and breast pad for mummy-kena beli awal2 jugak, takut nanti daddy tak reti nak belikan

7. TRAVEL
-rasanya kat malaysia ni we won't do much travelling until you're much older. Nanti mummy kena marah pulak ngan your grannys
-but the following are a must-have:
   -stroller
   -car seat
   -NAPPY BAG
   -travel termos (dah lama tak bawak benda ni ke hulu ke hilir. Kena ada, kalau time baby melalak nak susu, kelam kelibut pulak cari air panas..naya-dah jadi banyak kali so memang banyak experience part ni. Huhu)

The hunt for diaper bags

Last week was very heavy to say the least. A lot of happenings in the family..lost of loved ones, only a month apart from each other. Innalillah.

We are also still struggling to find a maid (Sigh), let alone to come across a good one.. so we left our little one at 'kampung' for 3 days while we're figuring out options. Needless to say, it didn't work out too well. I can't believe I missed her anthics so much so that I barely slept at night. She, on the other hand was doing too well without me according to my mum.

So she is now next to me playing with my iPad, once in a while interrupting me with her demands for Milo, banana or milk. Oh Mia, what would I do without you.

Another news to share is that I am currently 30 weeks pregnant. Alhamdulillah.

So what else would I do aside from looking for the perfect diaper bag? Hehe.

I've had a couple before for Mia, none of them too fancy but most of them are not practical for me. Some are too big, too heavy, very hard to carry around and makes me feel too mum-sy. Haha. Of course some people would be glad to feel that way, but I have to work for a living and No, I would not be caught dead looking like a mother of five who barely have time to look after herself.

Hence, the search for the perfect diaper bag begins. Too early?...maybe. But I'm need an excuse to get  me a new bag. Trust me, since coming home I've been real good and only got a Burberry (as a gift) a fews months back (which is like a gazillion years ago to me).

Here are a few that's on my list:

1. Storksak Olivia

This one is quite popular with mummies out there because of the multiple convenient pockets. However some reviews online did mention the hardy straps that bites into your shoulder upon carrying heavy loads. So it's a no-no for me.

2. Storksak Nina

This one looks ok-ish and most importantly affordable. I found it selling at RM459.00 at http://www.buggybabyboogie.com/. It also comes complete with a stroller clip that you can attach to your baby's pram on a day out.

My only concern is it tends to be on the larger side for me. I can imagine it sitting on the corner; dusty and underused.

3. Storksak Emily

The Emily is one of my top of the list. What's more it was a favourite for one particular celebrity:

Angie's diaper bag? Wah, I'm feeling famous already.

Downside? It's a bit pricey and it's only available in Taupe instead of black. Taupe makes me feel old la.


4.  Louis Vuitton Totally MM

OK. So it's not really a diaper bag. Tapikan, I think the side pockets are perfect for baby bottles. Haha.

And..Mrs Pitt also has one. What can I say? We have similar taste in bags kot. (Feeling celeb la sangat kan)

Downside? Mahal doh. But I think carrying and birthing a watermelon-sized baby is nothing compared to small financial sacrifice hubs taking. (Screams- buy it for me now!)

I have yet to come up with number 5. But hey, I have 10 weeks left +/- to figure out other options. Pening. But mummy don't mind doing it for you baby.

Peace.

What's in my bag video

Watching this post-call in my bed. I'm just glad I'm not oncall anymore. Sigh..

My Secret Hotel

Expectations vs Reality

Oh they're worlds apart from one another..I came home to settle down, live quietly in the suburbs and I guess be the diva that owns a boutique (that was always in my subconcious somehow hehe).

And what do I get? The realization that I have to work harder than I'd ever been to get to my dream.

Actually, I wasn't sure of what I really want until very recently. The situation that I was thrown into made me into making that decision.

I don't need to be the tough, over achieving doctor that I thought I wanted to be. Instead I've made up my mind to settle into a very lenient job with time to spend with my loved ones. I'd say if I didn't come back with the MRCP I would've been the chronic medical officer. Haha..and to think that I once thought that it will never be me, the doctor that work an 8 to 5 job in a random Klinik Kesihatan. Sure enough, the work is by no means easy (what kind of job is?) but it would've been the leniest in the medical field.

But I do have MRCP, and to throw it away would've been very stupid in my part.

So what do I do now? The answer is quite obvious. I have no choice. I have to struggle, hard to be a Specialist.

Sometimes I really do doubt myself. The climate is very different, and by different I mean I hated it..too much.

Fitting in was never easy. It always brings me back the memory of starting school and trying to find new friends.

What's worse is there is no safety net. You really are on your own here. The risk of being put down whenever you made a mistake can never be enticing to anybody right?

Sure I can always blame my training. Maybe I'm just inexperienced, but at the end of the day it's just an excuse. I can't always be inexperienced..I have to find a way to make myself par to the others at work.

I wish I can be focused enough to do this. Studying and improving was much easier when you're single, no doubt..or I suppose better when you have 'proper' support system. Husband that is always away, a toddler that needs my attention..and now my pregnancy effects..all added up to my list.
I am in no way complaining. I'm blessed to be honest. I love these people and I will no doubt love the soon to come newborn to death. It's just finding time to oneself is hard sometimes. I always feel guilty whenever I needed time off ( which I did take quite a lot in Dublin..whenever it gets too much, there was this small cafe that serve awesome scones and tea nearby-it never fails to calm me down)

You can't always dwell in the past people say...so that advise I am taking. I just have to find a way to make this work somehow.

Pray for me.

Thought of the day

Try studying with a screaming, temper tantrum-ing, attention seeking kid in the background..and that is after an 8 to 5 job, cooking, grocery shopping, heartburn, leg cramps and going to the loo every 5 minutes. I also have expectations to be met, datelines and not to mention my head under constant scrutiny by people. And you think you had a rough day, tough guy..

Ok. I really should stop whining
#reallynotmadeformultitasking